Blog
The Grief We Don’t Call Grief
When most people hear the word grief, they think of death. We associate grieving with losing someone we love, attending a funeral, and trying to adjust to life without that person. But grief is much bigger than death.
Grief can show up whenever something meaningful changes, ends, disappears, or never becomes what we hoped it would be. And because we don’t always recognize these experiences as losses, many people are carrying grief without realizing that grief is what they are feeling.
Why Do I Still React This Way? How Trauma Therapy Helps the Past Feel Like the Past
One of the most confusing experiences for people who have lived through trauma is knowing, logically, that something is over while still reacting as though it is happening now. You may know that your current relationship is different from relationships that hurt you in the past, yet find yourself panicking when someone seems distant. You may understand that making a mistake at work does not mean you are a failure, yet criticism can leave you flooded with shame. You may know that you are capable of setting boundaries, but conflict can still make you freeze, shut down, or feel unable to speak.
When You’re Stuck in Survival Mode
Have you ever felt like you’re just trying to make it through the day—running on empty, holding everything together, but never really catching your breath? If so, you may be living in what therapists call survival mode.
Survival mode isn’t a weakness or a personal failure. It’s your body’s natural way of protecting you when life feels overwhelming or unsafe. Maybe you’ve been under constant stress, navigating loss, juggling caregiving, or recovering from trauma. Over time, your nervous system learns to stay on high alert, doing whatever it takes to get you through. The problem is, our minds and bodies aren’t built to live in that state forever.
The Link Between Childhood Trauma and Adult Mental Health
Childhood experiences profoundly shape psychological and emotional health. Traumatic events during childhood—such as abuse, neglect, or exposure to violence—can alter brain development, leaving lasting psychological impacts into adulthood. Understanding this connection is crucial for recognizing and addressing unresolved trauma.
Parental Objectification: The Roots of Mental Health Struggles
Parental objectification, the treatment of a child as an extension of the parent rather than an individual, can have profound and lasting consequences for mental health. This practice can lead to a myriad of issues, from anxiety and depression to difficulties in forming healthy relationships.
Children need unconditional love, acceptance, and support to develop a strong sense of self. When parents objectify their children, they deny them this essential foundation. Instead, children may internalize the belief that their worth is determined by their ability to meet parental expectations or fulfill parental needs.
What is Trauma?
Trauma is the emotional response that results from an incredibly stressful, frightening, or disturbing event that overwhelms a person's ability to cope. These events can be single incidents or ongoing experiences.
Traumatic events can be anything that makes someone feel unsafe, helpless, or out of control. Some examples of traumatic events include physical or sexual assault, accidents, war, natural disasters, witnessing violence, or the sudden death of a loved one. It is important to note that what is traumatic can vary by person - it's not about the event itself but how it is perceived by the individual.
People Pleasing: How to Stop Seeking Validation and Start Living for Yourself
People pleasing is a common behavior where someone prioritizes the needs and wants of others over their own. This can manifest in various ways, such as:
Saying "yes" to requests even when you don't have the time or energy
Going out of your way to help others, even when it inconveniences you
Avoiding conflict or confrontation, even when it's necessary
Putting your own needs on hold to make others happy
Feeling responsible for other people's happiness
While there is nothing inherently wrong with being helpful and kind, people pleasing can become problematic when it starts to negatively impact your life.
EMDR – Eye Movement Desensitization And Reprocessing Therapy
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a form of psychotherapy that has shown to be effective in the treatment of a wide range of conditions, including post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety, depression, and phobias. EMDR is based on the theory that traumatic memories are stored in the brain in a way that prevents them from being processed normally. This can lead to a variety of symptoms, including flashbacks, nightmares, and anxiety.